Happiness
What if I told you happiness isn’t what you think it is?
Happiness is entirely personal, a truly felt sense that lies within us all. There is no one size fits all, no magic wand to wave, and no fixed state, we all have the power of being happy, yet so many of us, often, are not.
You’ve probably experienced periods of unhappiness, and longing to be happy, but unable to define why. Below are some things clients have said and the meaning behind them after some exploration in session. Perhaps you can relate.
“My parents don’t listen to me” - I don’t feel like they care or understand me..
“I hate my job” - I’m scared of failing, anxious about trying to find another. I don’t feel worthy.
“I don’t have a big house and nice car like my friends” - I can’t afford the things I want, and it makes me feel a failure.
“My wife doesn’t take me seriously” - I feel judged and chastised, and makes me not want to talk.
All of these initial statements are true, but when we are unhappy it can be hard to really explore the feelings and reasons behind them, thus making it hard to change our state. When we ignore the feelings behind the emotion we can create a deeper sense of unhappiness. When our needs aren’t met, by ourselves or others, or when there is a perception of how we should be vs an awareness of how we wish to be living, it impacts our self-esteem and ultimately our happiness.
We now live in a world of social media where everyone seems to be living their #bestlife. So why aren’t you, and why don’t you feel happy like them, or at least feel more often happy than not? Never have we compared ourselves to others as much as we do now. It’s important to recognise the impact of society and others views of us upon our happiness. When we allow others to shape us, we sacrifice ourselves in the process. Often leaving us feeling empty, unlovable, unattractive, unworthy and a failure.
But if happiness is within, shouldn’t we just be able to turn it on? Unmet expectations and battles for perfection that we cannot obtain often leave us feeling low and dejected, and if left unchecked can turn inwards. Resulting in us denying our authentic selves in favour of perceived happiness. After all no one wants to be unhappy. I truly believe the key to lasting happiness is self-acceptance. To feel enough as we are in that moment.
A wise woman once told me that happiness is not what we think it is. It’s not to be confused with joy, which is intense and often short lived. Happiness is more akin to contentment, satisfaction and even fulfilment.
We are happy when we are able to accept what is, and let go of what is out of our control.
Sounds pretty easy, right? What looks easy is usually challenging to apply in life. “But Jenn, what can I do to feel happier, or be happy more consistently?” I hear you ask.
I’d like to leave you with the following questions. Reflect on them internally, journal them if you like, but most of all answer them (to yourself) honestly and authentically.
What does being happy mean to me?
How do I know when I am happy?
What does it feel like to be happy?
What is different about me when I am happy?
And finally - How can you accept yourself as you are?
It’s impossible to put a definitive statement on what happiness is and how to obtain it, but you can find your happy when you know what it is - personal to you.
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
Mahatma Gandhi
